Running a household is a full-time job. You not only have little chores like taking out the trash, but kids to look after; The children alone can add more to the workload. You have lunches to prepare, and meals to fix for everyone.
What if you work outside the home? You have daily outfits of your own to put together and your kids school clothes and probably your partner’s crap to do too. Oh, and there’s the shopping and cleaning and homework and laundry and bills and vacuuming and dishes and…
It’s not hard to see how most women become frustrated with their partners for not carrying their weight when it comes to work around the house. It’s 2018, and we’ve made great strides, but for most, household work is still done by women.
And when men do contribute, it’s a big deal and they want recognition. If he does do chores, it’s because he’s following a honey-do list, being nagged or asked to do something.
Why should he be asked to take out the trash? If the bin is full, isn’t that an obvious clue? Everyone lives there, you share the space, why can’t everyone pull there weight equally?
One blogger, constance Hall, asked this very question. She ranted and vented her frustrations. Women everywhere are sounding off.
“Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing “preach Queen”, someone said to me “if you want help you need to be specific… ask for it. People need lists, they aren’t mind readers.”
“So I tried that, asking.. specifics..
“Can you take the bin out?”
“Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years”
“Can you go to woolies? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond.”
“And yeah, she was right… shit got done.
“But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging.
“And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking…?
“And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write fucking lists.. We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them.
“Just do it.
“Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet?
“Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day?
“Is one of you carrying the weight?
“Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists….
“All your left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer..
“It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That’s your job.
“Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother f*ckers.
Constance’s post clearly touched a nerve. Emotional labor is defined as: “the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job.”
In other words, your partner might be carrying out the tasks you assign them. You’re still acting as the manager of your household. You’re the one who’s keeping track of all that needs to be done. Juggling all the balls in your court is just as exhausting as having to actually do the work yourself.
The post was shared over 100,000 times. I have no doubt that number has grown. Women everywhere are frustrated. The comments prove this exact point.
“I really loathe ‘All you have to do is ask!’
“Like, am I the only one in this house with fucking eyes in my head? Can you not SEE dishes go in the dishwasher? Carpet needs a vacuum?!
“If I have to ask, forget it, I’ll do it my fucking self.”
“Yes! By asking for specific help, we are still carrying the mental load. And that’s what we need to learn to share – the mental load. That’s what weighs us down.”
I found this comment most profound:”I actually find the term “helping out” incredibly annoying. That implies that everything is the woman’s responsibility and the man is somehow doing her a favor…”
Hey guys, bookmark this post. Open your eyes and see this from your partner’s perspective. Don’t expect a medal for doing the dishes or dusting. You’re not going to get one. You might not even get a “thank you.” How often do you thank your partner for cooking your dinner? Doing your laundry? packing your lunch? Think about that before you put up your feet after a long day.
Your partner’s day has been long and she’s been handling everything to make sure life in your world runs smoothly. Give her a break and help out.